changed life

You might wonder-what would induce me to become a Christian? After all, when I was a teenager I thought those Christians were nothing more than "turkeys" who had something against fun. However even young teenagers like me needed some serious questions answered. Questions like "Why am I here?", or "Why should I go on living?". At 13 there was this intense hunger for something better and greater than what I could see with my eyes. My Mom at that time was into what we may call the "New Age". She had "Jonathon Livingston Seagull", the writings of Seth (a familiar spirit that took residence in a lady), and other things that tickled her fancy. Meanwhile my search for internal peace intensified. Listening to songs like "Question" by the Moody Blues put my feelings into the right words, ("I'm looking for someone to change my life. I'm looking for a miracle in my life."), and the songs also added fuel and intensity to my search. Around that time I got very sick. I was told it was a pneumonia. Mom took me to a seance in the hopes that I would be healed. That seance did not heal me. As time progressed I sought a few religious leaders to ask my questions. I sought out a Rabbi, but he seemed so grumpy at the time that I was eager for our little meeting to end. I sought out some Unity Universalist, but rather than answer my questions that just wanted me to be happy and and learn to smile more! (Back then I didn't smile much!). Because these adults could not answer this teenager-on-a-bike some straight forward questions about life and God that tended to make me think that I was brilliant and that they were really stupid! But being brilliant was a very empty feeling -for my questions were still not answered! (It should be added that back then I was a nice guy on the outside, but on the inside I had a low view of alot of people and ideas. This low view would manifest itself with alot of humor, particularly sarcasm. ).
Well the unfulfilled feelings just kept getting stronger and stronger until one day there was a paraphrased New-Testament found on my bed. Who put it on my bed? I don't know; no one would take credit for it. S0 I opened it up a random to Luke. What I read I did not like! Me a sinner? Oh! That made me so mad I threw that Bible across the floor and left it there for a few days! During those few day, (I'm not sure of how many), I kept thinking to myself, "There's got to be something better!". However nothing presented itself as better. So after a friend asked me to read John's gospel, I picked up that New Testament with great reluctance. This time however I read everything in the gospel of John before passing judgement. Two things really stuck out to me when I read John's gospel: Christ loving attitude, ( e.g. "I call you friends if you do the Father's will..."), and the fact He rose from the dead. That really turned me on! So I read what Mathew had to say; then Mark. I approached Luke with actual fear, (I didn't want to be angry again). Before I finished Luke I felt like I had lost a wrestling match; in other words, emotionally exhausted! So not knowing what else to do, I offered myself to God. What did I say in my cheap, amateur prayer I'm not sure. It was something to the effect of "I'm yours if you are real and like this Jesus I'm reading about." (You see, before I said this I thought God was a cosmic grouch out to stomp you for the slightest wrong. Such a thought made me scared of God every time I thought of Him; so I made a point not to think about God.). After I said my very simple prayer, nothing supernatural happened; however great waves relief came over me. It was as if invisible weights came off my body. Also I felt joy for the first time to such a degree that I was laughing so strongly that I cried a little! (My Mom walked in and asked if I was alright. She thought that I was so stressed that I was acting a little "nutty".).
The search was over! I had found much more than I had bargained for, (purpose and Someone who really loved me more than anyone else could!). Oh the relief!
But I must add this sobering note to close: Life did not become a bed of roses; in fact in some ways it actually got harder. I will explain this fully in my next blog.